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Do I smell something?

What am I, hard of smelling? Of course I smell something.

Proving yet again that life really is a Seinfeld episode, I'm having a smelly car problem. The sad thing is that there could be any number of causes for the smell--I've never been the type to keep a neat, clean vehicle. But this smell is beyond beyond. So I threw out the old coffee cups and the other junk that had piled up on the floor and washed all the windows and wiped down the dashboard. I left a mesh bag filled with lava rocks (it's supposed to soak up smells) in the car overnight.

This morning, thinking that the odor molecules had at least 12 hours to de-smellify, I opened the door ... and the smell punched me right in the face. It was almost as though it had gained strength overnight. Pretty soon I'll be driving with my head stuck out the window like a dog.

Speaking of which, I'm pretty sure now that the source of the smell has something to do with the dog. Which means I'm going to have to clean the seats with carpet cleaner and a vacuum. If that doesn't work, I might have to sell the car. And if that doesn't work, I might have to park it in Lynn with the keys in the ignition.

What happened? My car stinks is what happened. And it’s destroying the lives of everyone in its path.
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6 comments:

#28 said...

nothing worse than an awful car smell. I have an old trick I have always used that worked for me.

Take two lemons and slice them. Then let them sit in your back seat on newspaper. If that doesn't work You got a baaaad smell :P

ME Strauss said...

That was fun! Speaking as someone who can smell, but can write. I truly enjoyed it. You had me with you all of the way through. There was not one waste word or clunky image.

Thanks for that.
smiles,
me-Liz

cube said...

OMG now you'll have to sell...no give away your car!

Mr. Fun said...

This morning, thinking that the odor molecules had at least 12 hours to de-smellify, I opened the door ... and the smell punched me right in the face. It was almost as though it had gained strength overnight. Pretty soon I'll be driving with my head stuck out the window like a dog.

- - -

Goodness, paragraphs as funny as these belong in published works.

Gienna said...

#28 -- I thought about trying your tip but I was worried that with my luck I'd end up with the bad smell plus fruit flies. Not a nice combo.

Cube -- Your blog is hysterical. That gif of Tom zapping Oprah cracked me up.

Mr. Fun and Me Strauss -- Thank you! But in the interest of full disclosure, the post is based pretty heavily on dialog from the Seinfeld episode "Smelly Car." So Larry David deserves some of the credit, too.

Shirazi said...

cool, cool, here.