Oh, the dog in-humane-ity!

I kind of hate to admit this, but I have been sucked into watching The Greatest American Dog. Of course, it's irrelevent who wins, since my dog is not among the contestants. She would totally kick some serious doggy butt if she was.

She would have done especially well in the competition in last night's episode, which was to get your dog to portray a certain word chosen at random (loving, sneaky, lazy, angry, regal, etc.) during a photo shoot. We all know Sadie is very photogenic.

In another challenge on last night's show, the owners had to guess whether their dog would "take it" or "leave it" when shown an item on a plate--a piece of steak, a stick, a piece of tofu, etc. Sadie would have had an unfair advantage in that competition, too. She's a beagle. She would take it every time. Even the tofu.

Meanwhile, Ron and Tillman, who got kicked off last night, were robbed. How on earth did the chick who TORTURED her dog--yelled at him, called him names, sprayed grapefruit juice in his face and put a "snarl band" on his mouth in order to make him look angry--not get eliminated? The photographer looked horrified for the poor dog, who was trying to run away, snapping at the owner, and generally looking very unhappy. And the owner is glad, because, she says, now the dog really is angry. One of the judges said flat out it was "inhumane." And the best part: The woman owns a dog-sitting and pet-care business. I wouldn't let that b*tch within two feet of my dog.

Yeah, I got sucked into the show, but I'm not taking it too seriously.

(OK, yeah I am.)

People who area having way more fun than me

1. People with herpes. Is it just me, or do the people in those ads for Herpes treatments seem incredibly happy and active? They're always mountain biking or hiking or climbing rocks or taking a stroll along the beach. They are always accompanied by attractive partners who aren't bothered in the least by the fact that they have herpes even though, it turns out, you can infect your partner between outbreaks.

2. Anyone who has taken a vacation this summer. OK, it's true--I somehow managed to find time to write this post. But I keep staring at the calendar and various looming deadlines (have you ever noticed that deadlines are always looming?) and I cannot find a one-week stretch of free time. How is it possible that the summer is nearly half over? (Meanwhile, this week is going by at a glacial pace.)

3. People with nice cars. I hit a pothole and it cost me more than $1,000. A wise investment, surely, in an 11-year-old car. I blew out a shock absorber and, when I went to the mechanic to have it fixed, discovered I also need a new motor mount, two new front tires and front brake pads. What the hell, I figured--might as well get the oil changed, too.

Lameness update, part two

I haven't posted any pics here in a while and, since KK asked about it yesterday, here are the two that were accepted into the show in Salem:

Celebration Celebration 2

I think they look better printed and framed than they do online.

I was happy with the way the next one came out, I've been wanting to take it for about four years... it's a long story, which I've already written once. No energy to write again and too lazy to cut and paste so click on the picture if you care to read it, plus some reactions to the photograph and opinions about whether it was worth the wait.

Night delivery

And, finally, my war against whatever neighbor happens to be living above me at any given time continues. The boys currently living in the upstairs unit are not very good at policing their cigarette butts. So I pick them up and leave them on their doorstep:

Police your own damn butts

So far it is not working. My friend vrai suggests several ways that I could get my point across, including this one, my favorite:

"put on your best Betty Paige red and white apron and whip up a nice bowl of red jello with little juicy chunks of cigarette butts. wear your biggest smile as you offer your neighbors the desert you've just made them."

There are others, including one that invovles cat poop. C'mon, who doesn't think cat poop is funny?

Again, click on the picture to get the deets.

More on how lame I am

Last published on June 18th? It doesn't seem possible.

Audrey May says I have to put something down, so here goes. (Meanwhile, hello, April 10?)

1. I bought a push mower--no engine. It's adorable. You wouldn't think a lawnmower could be cute, but it is.

2. I got two pictures into the Salem Arts Association's "Mementos of Celebration" and met a woman named Ziggy who is also interested in photography and Celtic mythology.

3. Calvin, I hear, has begun showing an interest in pens. Sure, he's only scribbling now, but soon he'll be learning calligraphy.

4. I've been giving it a great deal of thought, and I've come to the conclusion that I don't get twitter.

5. The dog and I went for a long walk in the Salem Forest River Conservation area and I took some pics (mostly of the dog, surprise, surprise):

Sit. Stay. Pose.

You know what else doesn't seem possible? The fact that's all I can think of to say I've done over the last entire month.