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The $309K fixer-upper

The upstairs unit, after months and months and months of fits and starts of activity, long stretches of inactivity, and general mayhem and madness, is officially on the real estate market.

And no, I'm not going to link to the online listing, you stalker.

The crazy upstairs neighbor has it listed for $309,000. This is for a three-bedroom (and it's only a three bedroom by a technicality--there's a closet in the tiny sunroom over the front porch) condominium in a below-average (bordering on sketchy) neighborhood. With a pile of rubble in the middle of the living room floor. And leaky pipes. And outdated wiring. And a yellow- and black-tiled kitchen that hasn't been updated in 50 years. And an asbestos-covered furnace. And a basement that floods any time it rains even one single inch. And, oh by the way, the very exciting prospect of entering into a legal contract with a drunken maniac.

Real estate bubble? What real estate bubble?

By the way, do you have time to read one more quick crazy upstairs neighbor story? Yes? OK, here's the thing. The crazy upstairs neighbor still has no electricity. She is using the common outlet in the basement and a long extension cord to do her so-called renovations. The crazy upstairs neighbor has a microwave oven propped up on a milk crate down in the cellar (naturally). So a craving for a microwave burrito hits and what does she do?

She.

Un.

Plugs.

The.

Sump.

Pump.

You know, the one in the basement that floods any time it rains even one single inch. And then she goes on her merry drunk way. And leaves the miscrowave plugged in and the sump pump unplugged.

Seriously, anyone in the market for a $309,000 fixer-upper?

Please?
.

4 comments:

karenology said...

Hahaha, that's brilliant. -Are you sure you're not actually living in rural Arkansas as opposed to Massachusetts?

Andrew said...

The good news is, it will eventually sell. Maybe not for $309K and perhaps not 'till you're old and gray but it will sell. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

maybe J9 will buy it

J9 said...

Ha Ha Ha