I phrase I honestly thought I'd never have to utter and a conversation I definitely never wanted to have:
Me: Do you think it's possible that there is poo on the back hallway?
Upstairs neighbor (who is watching his mom's dog): I hope not.
Me: The lightbulb is out so it's dark, but I'm pretty sure it's poo.
The bark collar bites
So I think I might have mentioned a few times that the dog barks. A lot. I took her with me to Jesse and Audrey's wedding--the hotel had dog-friendly rooms--and she barked every time I left the room and didn't stop barking 'till I returned. There are rumours that the hotel paged me at one point. "Gienna Writes: Please return to your room and stop that #&*%!@ dog from barking before we all go $%#*&^@ insane."
Or something to that effect.
I've been putting off getting the bark collar for a long time. Zapping an animal with electricity for doing what comes naturally seems so mean. OK, it's static electricity, like you get if you walk across a wool rug in your socks and touch your finger to someone's nose. So maybe it's not exactly mean. But I don't think it's nice, either.
The final straw was getting dragged out of the bar at the hotel by my uncle Richard, who was trying to sleep in the room across the hall but came to get me after two solid hours of barking. Nothing comes between me and my wine. I finally broke down and ordered the bark collar.
Since it arrived, the dog has never been so well-behaved ... But it has nothing to do with the bark collar.
The minute I put the thing on her she curled up in a ball and went to sleep. This was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. She didn't bark all day. Not once. And Sunday morning she was trotting around the house, playing with her toys, wagging her tail, licking my hand, and basically being adorable. Not one bark passed her little doggy lips.
Well, you buy a $50 bark collar you want to know if it's going to work, right? So, I go outside, shut the door, and knock. Sure enough, the dog starts barking. I'm peeping through the doorway and as far as I can tell, absolutely nothing is happening. I come in, re-read the directions, adjust the collar, and try again. Nothing.
Here's how the collar is supposed to work. At the first bark, the collar beeps and emits a low-level warning zap. If the dog barks again, the static charge gets a little stronger and continues to get stronger the more the dog barks, though it resets itself if the dog barks a certain number of times within 30 seconds. I didn't hear any beep, so I wasn't sure if the collar was working. So I take the collar off the dog and test it on myself to see what will happen.
What happens is I get electrocuted.
OK, not electrocuted, since I'm obviously alive enough to be writing this. But holy crap that was a good little sting. Shocked the hell out of me. And while I'm performing my stupid human trick, the dog noses under the blanket on the couch, snuggles up into a ball, and closes her eyes. And as she fell quietly asleep, I'm pretty sure I saw her lips curl up into a very self-satisfied smirk.
Or something to that effect.
I've been putting off getting the bark collar for a long time. Zapping an animal with electricity for doing what comes naturally seems so mean. OK, it's static electricity, like you get if you walk across a wool rug in your socks and touch your finger to someone's nose. So maybe it's not exactly mean. But I don't think it's nice, either.
The final straw was getting dragged out of the bar at the hotel by my uncle Richard, who was trying to sleep in the room across the hall but came to get me after two solid hours of barking. Nothing comes between me and my wine. I finally broke down and ordered the bark collar.
Since it arrived, the dog has never been so well-behaved ... But it has nothing to do with the bark collar.
The minute I put the thing on her she curled up in a ball and went to sleep. This was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. She didn't bark all day. Not once. And Sunday morning she was trotting around the house, playing with her toys, wagging her tail, licking my hand, and basically being adorable. Not one bark passed her little doggy lips.
Well, you buy a $50 bark collar you want to know if it's going to work, right? So, I go outside, shut the door, and knock. Sure enough, the dog starts barking. I'm peeping through the doorway and as far as I can tell, absolutely nothing is happening. I come in, re-read the directions, adjust the collar, and try again. Nothing.
Here's how the collar is supposed to work. At the first bark, the collar beeps and emits a low-level warning zap. If the dog barks again, the static charge gets a little stronger and continues to get stronger the more the dog barks, though it resets itself if the dog barks a certain number of times within 30 seconds. I didn't hear any beep, so I wasn't sure if the collar was working. So I take the collar off the dog and test it on myself to see what will happen.
What happens is I get electrocuted.
OK, not electrocuted, since I'm obviously alive enough to be writing this. But holy crap that was a good little sting. Shocked the hell out of me. And while I'm performing my stupid human trick, the dog noses under the blanket on the couch, snuggles up into a ball, and closes her eyes. And as she fell quietly asleep, I'm pretty sure I saw her lips curl up into a very self-satisfied smirk.
Matt gets out of the picture
I've posted a few more photos of Audrey and Jesse's wedding. Meanwhile, this one had to be edited just a tiny little bit. See ya, picture-wrecker!
I may have overcompensated a bit
I haven't posted any photos from Audrey and Jesse's wedding because I'm still going through the 2,000 + photos I took. That's right, more than 2,000. At first, I was thrilled that they came out fine--despite the fact that this was the first time I ever photographed a wedding. But about halfway through, after looking at about 1,000 photos, I started being happy whenever one was out of focus or people's eyes were closed. Another to delete!
Anyway, here's just one of my favorites from the day. The "getting ready" pics of the boys have a very different vibe than the ones I took of the girls getting ready. They're a funny bunch.
I took a few with more traditional poses and then I said 'Hey, I don't really know you guys--what would you like to do for a funny one?' They looked uncertain, so I said 'musclemen?' No. 'Mafiosos'? Definitely not. And then one of them says 'Ooh! Can we do karate?'
Note the van in the background--which they call the Prom Queen. (I didn't ask.) They made me CLIMB over the porch railing to take pictures of them with it.
This was a down-and-dirty edit, by the way ... it's still a little dark. I have some editing to do, but nothing major, thank goodness. Mostly tweaks to exposure, cropping, and making black and white versions of the "before" pictures and the ceremony. With the number of photos I took, though, I'm not doing any editing until The B&G tell me which ones they like!
Anyway, here's just one of my favorites from the day. The "getting ready" pics of the boys have a very different vibe than the ones I took of the girls getting ready. They're a funny bunch.
I took a few with more traditional poses and then I said 'Hey, I don't really know you guys--what would you like to do for a funny one?' They looked uncertain, so I said 'musclemen?' No. 'Mafiosos'? Definitely not. And then one of them says 'Ooh! Can we do karate?'
Note the van in the background--which they call the Prom Queen. (I didn't ask.) They made me CLIMB over the porch railing to take pictures of them with it.
This was a down-and-dirty edit, by the way ... it's still a little dark. I have some editing to do, but nothing major, thank goodness. Mostly tweaks to exposure, cropping, and making black and white versions of the "before" pictures and the ceremony. With the number of photos I took, though, I'm not doing any editing until The B&G tell me which ones they like!
Those leaves aren't going to herd themselves
I told you the dog barks at falling leaves:
And here she is jumping for joy because her candidate won the election:
One more bark for the road.
And here she is jumping for joy because her candidate won the election:
One more bark for the road.
